Weekend Gratitude: Family, Friends, and Community

Hello friends!

What a busy weekend we had! I can’t even remember everything we did around the house and running errands. However, I did capture three events with my iPod camera.

On Saturday, my cousin-in-law Debbie and her husband Michael invited us for a party at their new house. 

I love, love, love Debbie's home.  She is so artistic, and I love to get decorating and design ideas from her.  

I brought a layered bean dip (quickly devoured), and a cake slathered with vanilla yogurt and sliced strawberries. 

Debbie found the idea for a backyard water “blob” on Pinterest.  She duck taped two sturdy tarps togther and filled them with water. The kids had a blast. That’s my youngest daughter, and my oldest grandson, who turned four that day.  

On Sunday after church, I dropped my youngest son off at a birthday party, and then joined some of my other family members at Bart and Judy’s house for a picnic with a bunch of people from church. I always enjoy chatting with friends old and new. As is my custom, I took several minutes to shoot photos in their backyard. You can see some of my other pictures from previous visits here and here.

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I took a much needed snooze for an hour in the afternoon, and then it was off to the monthly dinner outreach at a local motel which also functions as a transitional home to a lot of people who don't have any other place to live. There are also some totally homeless folks (who live in the adjacent woods) who join us each month. We serve a full meal to several dozen people, and provide bags of toiletries, laundry detergent, and sometimes clothing. Folks enjoy the live music and short inspirational messages, and there’s always a place for the kids to enjoy crafts and stories. My jobs are distributing name tags to our volunteers, bringing a few table decorations, passing out wet wipes so our guests can wash their hands, and greeting people. Simple stuff, and that's just fine with me. One of my adult daughters launched this monthly outreach last year, and I’m so glad that some of my younger kids join us to serve each month too. (See here for all of my posts on homeless ministry.)  Side note: a lot of our homeless friends are missing teeth.  I was talking to my dentist about this the other day as she was cementing a crown back onto my tooth. (I lost a battle with sticky Mike & Ike candies.) I don't have dental insurance myself, but I'm thankful that my dentist charges me only half price. I'm wondering how we can make health & dental care more accessible to our friends. Maybe at one of our dinners we could offer a health screening clinic with referrals, as well as assistance applying for government and non-profit resources? I need to research this a little more. Any ideas, folks?  Always plotting...

Setting up ahead of time
(I'm in the purple shirt, upper right)
~~ photo credit, Amber Carroll ~~

Thank you, Publix, for all of the desserts

Naomi & Micah (my kids)

Steph & Andrew

Daniel

Julianna and friends

After the outreach, four of my kids had youth group in Baldwin Park. I dropped them off, then headed over to see my son-in-law so he could check out the belts on my van before our big two week 2,500 mile road trip that starts Friday. I’m taking the four youngest kids to Maryland (to see my dad and my sister Barb’s family) and Pennsylvania (for a family reunion with my aunts, uncles, and cousins on my mom’s side). On the one hand, I am delighted to be traveling again with my kids and seeing as much family and interesting places as possible. We loved our three week jaunt last year.  (You can find my photo journal of our trips here: Traveling North). However, I am feeling bittersweet since my sweet mom won’t be there to enjoy it with us since she passed away last summer after we got home. Amid the emotional jumble, I’m going to have a hyper busy week. I have to register one son for public high school for the first time (transferring from the private school where I taught last year). We’re throwing a a triple birthday party tomorrow for my oldest daughter (27!), my oldest grandson (4!), and my second son who will turn 15 while we’re on our trip. We’ve got a whole lot of laundry, house cleaning, shopping, and packing to do in the next few days! Say a prayer for us, will you? Traveling mercies and all?

2013 road trip with six kids -
here at Luray Caverns in Virginia

I'm grateful for this weekend: for family, friends, good food, a home, and a chance to give back to the community.

How about you?

Virginia Knowles

www.VirginiaKnowles.blogspot.com

Weekend Gratitude: Baby Dedication and Father's Day

Happy Father's Day!

Today, my youngest grandson, a month old, was dedicated at my daughter's church. Grandparents are always invited to go to the front to participate. Ten babies were dedicated this morning! 

My son-in-law with the little guy -
love the tiny blue jeans!

The pastor mentioned "forgetfulness" in his sermon, which somehow reminded me that I had forgotten to put our entrees in the oven - and even that I had forgotten to take them out of the freezer last night. (What was I thinking?) I quietly slipped out and drove home, regretting that I wouldn't be able to chat with old friends after the service. 

I put the chicken enchilada casserole in the oven, but I knew the vegetable lasagna would take too long, so I whipped up a batch of turkey meatball chili to replace it.  A cheese pizza, French bread and salad rounded out the meal. (We'll eat that lasagna for a late dinner.) My daughter made a layer cake and bordered it with Kit Kats, since her daddy likes them so much.  Impressive!

Kit Kat cake

My oldest daughter's family
with son #3 due in August

 

He loves big machines, so when I
culled my book collection this week,
I knew exactly who would get this one!

My Father's Day present
to the dad of my
10 children

We didn't attempt to get another full family photo since one daughter is out of town on a San Francisco adventure, and another is a nurse on duty at the hospital today.  You can see our last photo here: Mother's Day Picnic in the Park

I hope you all had a great Father's Day!

Other related posts:

• Father's Day 2011
• Father's Day 2012
• A Tribute to My Dad

Virginia Knowles

www.VirginiaKnowles.blogspot.com

The Simple Yet Mighty Gifts of Acceptance & Affirmation

The Simple Yet Mighty Gifts 

of Acceptance & Affirmation

Dear friends,

At age 50, as part of my year of Pilgrimage and Jubilee, I’m looking back at my meandering life path. I’m amazed at how many times that simple, subtle gift of acceptance and affirmation from another human being – whether close friend or random stranger – has created not just a ripple effect but a surge of change.  Appreciation and admiration carry this even further.

I could share dozens of personal examples, but it would take too long for you to understand the context and the significance, and some of the stories are just too personal. I am brought to tears just thinking of one chain of events sent into massive domino effect by a single conversation. (It’s still going, years later.) What moves me even more is to think that because of this, I dug deeper into my faith, took a hard look at my life trajectory, and found my voice just when I needed it most. That in turn had a powerful effect in the lives of even more people, some of whom I have never met. What will they do with that?  Where will it go from there?

What about these little ideas with potentially big results? How many have blessed you when someone else did them? How many can you do this week, starting today?

1. Write a thank you letter to someone whose acceptance and affirmation has made a difference to you.
2. Say “I love you” and “I know you can do it” and “I’m proud of you” and “you are so special” often.
3. Make eye contact, even if you are “too busy” at the moment.
4. Hug your child every day and tell how much you love being their parent.
5. Call your parents and siblings to say how much you appreciate all they have done for you.
6. Display your child's art work in a prominent place.
7. Pay for supplies, equipment, or class tuition for a family member to pursue building skills in an area where they show aptitude or talent.  Your investment is a vote of confidence in their abilities.  If you don’t know exactly what to buy, get a gift card to a store that specializes in that area.
8. Share a web link in an area of interest, showing that you notice what makes them tick.
9. Write a favorable on-line review for a product or service.
10. Tell your spouse what you appreciate from the last day, like balancing the checkbook or fixing a favorite meal or even fixing any meal at all.  The mundane daily things count, too!
11. Compliment your child in the presence of others.
12. Congratulate or compliment a friend or family member on even a small success.
13. Have a celebration dinner for a special accomplishment.
14. Ask for advice, which acknowledges their expertise.
15. Jot a personal note to someone you know is discouraged telling how much you admire who they are and how they are handling their difficulties.
16. Acknowledge, “You are right,” when it’s true, even and especially if it’s during a conflict.
17. Ask “What do you mean by that? Help me understand what you are thinking.”
18. Choose a thoughtful gift to say how special this person is to you – and not just for a special occasion.
19. Leave a “secret admirer” surprise.
20. Include someone outside of the usual “inner circle” in your group plans so they can get to know others better.
21. Create a photo album (tangible or digital) of special moments you have shared.
22. Speak a kind word to a hardworking store employee or a mom with toddlers in the checkout line.
23. Write a list of things you admire about someone.  A friend gave me a list of 50 on my 50^th birthday – what an amazing gift!
24. Slip an affirmation into a child’s or spouse’s lunch.
25. Tape a note to the bathroom mirror or write it with dry erase markers.
26. Write a personal reference for a student or employee.
27. Smile and a wave across the room – because you’re happy to see them! Then walk over for a chat.
28. Write a letter to your favorite author with an explanation of how their book has touched your life.
29. Show your excitement about good news – even if you are jealous! 
30. Leave a positive comment on a blog post.
31. Take a friend or family member to lunch to nurture your relationship – even if it is going on an inexpensive picnic.
32. Make amends with someone you have offended, to let them know they are important to you and you want to rebuild the relationship.

Try these! You might never even know how many lives you affect.  

As I wrote this, I noticed overlap from a broader list I wrote last week about strengthening and encouraging others: Follow the Way of Love. 

Another related post from this blog is Thankfulness: Observe, Appreciate, Express, Imitate. 

You might also like this article by Sam Crabtree at Family Life: 20 Ideas for Encouraging Others.

Virginia Knowles
www.VirginiaKnowles.blogspot.com

June Links - Mine and Others

My youngest daughter

Dear friends,

I'd like to share links to two recent posts on my other blogs, and two recent posts by others that I read via the BlogLovin reader.  Enjoy!

FOLLOW THE WAY OF LOVE

My thoughts on 1 Corinthians 13-14 - and what love and leadership are and are not 

ORDER & ORGANIZATION

Room by room, tool by tool, little by little, how I'm trying to conquer the chaos...

WHAT I WISH I HAD KNOWN (AKA MY BAKER'S DOZEN)

      Wise life lessons from Brenna at Beautiful Things

20 WAYS TO REJUVENATE OUR BODY, MIND AND SPIRIT THIS SUMMER

 Inspiring ideas from Denise at Little House on the Valley

Let me know what you think!  What are your favorite June links?

Virginia
www.VirginiaKnowles.blogspot.com

My youngest grandson

#YesAllWomen: My Many Stories of Sexual Harassment

#YesAllWomen 

My Many Stories of Sexual Harassment

(For Adult Readers Only)

Have you seen Twitter and Facebook entries tagged #YesAllWomen the past few days?  This grassroots social media campaign raises awareness of the sexual harassment or abuse that all women experience in their lifetime.  Not all men do it.  We get that.  But (nearly) all women will suffer from it at least once in their lifetimes.

I did.  Several times. It’s painful to think back, but here goes.

When I was a college student, I transferred to UCF in Orlando and got a software documentation job at a computer store owned by two men. (Yes, I was qualified for the job.) One of these men routinely propositioned me in very lewd and intimidating terms.  I complained to his partner, a Christian man with a young family, fully expecting him to stand up for me.  I was promptly fired.  There was absolutely no expression of concern for my well-being.  

At the time, I lived in an apartment near downtown with two roommates.  One weekend I was out of town and had an odd dream about somebody sinister walking around in my bedroom.  When I returned home, my roommates told me that someone had broken into our apartment and stolen stuff from their bedsides while they were sleeping.  That night, he also raped someone in a neighboring apartment.  His violation of my personal space caused me to live in fear, and I bought myself a billy club and moved shortly after that.  It gives me goosebumps to remember that. 

My next job after the computer store was as a programmer at a small technology company. A married co-worker started flirting with me, hanging around in my office, attempting to give me back rubs and hugs. I wasn’t sure what to make of it because otherwise he seemed to be a sweet Christian guy.  It started making me really uncomfortable, so I asked my campus Bible study friends to pray for me.  The company soon went out of business, and I was on to another job.  This story has a chilling postscript.  More than 25 years later, a friend told me that this man had abandoned his family for one of his many mistresses -- while his wife had cancer. What a cad!  I’m glad I didn’t get sucked in further with him.

I finally found decent employment as a database programmer in a tiny software company owned by three women, one who was my former professor.  I figured I would be safe there.  I was, at least in our office.  But I did get sent to a client’s office once to pick up something or other, and his entire seating area was strewn with the vilest kind of magazines imaginable.  I got out of there fast, and never went back.  Yes, it is possible to harass without a spoken word or touch.

  

Another time I was talking with four or five people in a church parking lot when one of the men started making extremely sexual comments. A male friend stopped him short, telling him could not talk that way in the presence of a lady.  I remember at least three other men who did the same kind of thing for me during my college years.  I really appreciate their chivalry, even over thirty years later. 

After I got married and moved to Maryland, I commuted by subway three days a week to a programming job in northern Virginia.  It was a small office with four men and only one other woman.  When a married co-worker made a flattering sexual comment during my first week, I gave him a terse response. He behaved himself after that.  Then there was my boss, an older man who got drunk at the office Christmas dinner and asked what would happen if I missed my train home.  I told him I’d take the next one five minutes later.  What would happen if I missed that one? I’d take the next one…  Yes, he was leering at me, and yes, that was a clear proposition.  Did I mention that I was three months pregnant at the time?  It wasn’t morning sickness that nauseated me that evening.  Fortunately, he was professional while sober, and I stayed at the company until I left to have my baby.

It's not just the workplace, and sexual harassment has many forms, some of them very subtle. I have been in small group “Bible” studies in churches where the discussions turned toward sexual topics in very inappropriate and humiliating ways.  I won’t write more about it in this post, because I wrote that story here. I was also verbally bullied in a church small group setting several years ago, and not one man in the room would stick up for me.  It was not sexual, but it was certainly gender-enabled. I was appalled. These men are big into male leadership and “protecting” the women, and yet they let a man pick on a lady like that?  Seriously? So what did I do? I called him out on it right there, and again by e-mail the next day.  He later apologized and we are still friends.  I think he learned his lesson.  However, someone else who found out about it blasted me for daring to correct a man... because I was a woman.

What is the point in telling these stories?  All of these different stories that happened to just me?

I want to add my voice to the outcry against the sexual harassment of women, and then the double victimization of silencing and/or shaming the victim.

Some will say that we were asking for it, maybe by dressing provocatively or by flirting.  

Some will say that girls should never move away from home to go to college, or shouldn’t go to college at all, or should never be out in the workplace with men. 

Some will say these guys who mistreat women are just uneducated heathens who just need to get to church.  Surely not those who say they are Christians!

Hogwash!  (I can think of stronger words!)

Our work places, churches, schools, and homes must become safe for women.

Where are the men who will take responsibility for their own inappropriate actions?

Where are the men who still stand up for women and children who are being harassed and even assaulted? 

Gender aside, where are people who will stand up for people?

What can we do?

Legislation against sexual harassment in the work place and schools? Yes! 

Criminal prosecution for predators?  Yes! 

Teach girls and women how to prevent situations when they can, and how to handle them if they do happen?  Yes!

But more than that...

Change the culture that devalues and objectifies women!

Getting off my soap box now...

​​How about you?  What is your story?

Oh, here is a #YesAllWomen post from Jenny Rae Armstrong.

Another, here: Ordinary Summer by Tonia Peckover

And a news story: California killer's misogynist rants inspire #YesAllWomen

Virginia Knowles

www.VirginiaKnowles.blogspot.com

P.S. I debated whether to post this here or on one of my other blogs, Watch the Shepherd, which has a lot of posts about various kinds of abuse.  Take a peek over there and see what you think.

P.P.S. The photo at the top was taken in 1985, when I was about 21 or 22, and toward the end of the time that most of these stories took place.

Welcome to the World, Lucas!

Welcome to the world, Lucas!

Our third grandson 

was born yesterday! 

He is the first baby of

our daughter Julia 

and her husband Alex.

Lucas

Born May 16 at 2:33 PM

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He's had a steady stream of visitors --
lots of family and friends!

Grandma and Grandpa love you, Lucas!

Mother's Day Picnic in the Park (Weekend Gratitude)

Mother's Day celebration 

for all 18 of us?

Sure, piece of cake!

And mango key lime pie!

A picnic in the park!

We picked a park on the 

way home from church

and near my oldest daughter's house.

I got there earliest to set up 

the purple tableware.

  

My present to my
country-loving daughter
for her 25th birthday
last month --
full of raspberry
cran-grape lemonade.
Yum.

Fresh strawberries
and blackberries

Brother and sister
decorating the cake...

Croissant sandwiches,
potato salad, veggie chips,
fresh fruit, drinks, desserts -
we all pitched in potluck style.

My two pregnant daughters,
belly to belly.
The baby boy on the right
is due... TODAY!

Soon to be welcomed
by a loving Mommy and Daddy!

My mother's day presents
for these younger mommies...

Why yes, I did give her sister
the exact same t-shirt.
They are each the
BEST. MOM. EVER.

My oldest daughter gave me
a bag of presents
from Ten Thousand Villages,
a store which imports
crafts made by
Third World artisans
in support of their families
and communities.
The red Twist of Fate necklace
 is from Guatemala:
"Creaciones Chonita,
an artisan group established
by a woman who lost
her husband in civil war violence,
as a way to support
herself and her children."(Click the link, read the story.)
The butterfly pin
is made from paper!

My youngest daughter's
handmade presents!  So sweet!
Some of the other kids gave me
gift cards to Starbucks!

One of my college
daughters and I

My oldest grandson
and my youngest son

My youngest grandson,
his long hair up in a bun
-- swinging around with
a cookie and chips in his hands!

My barefoot son
up in a huge tree

They are 19 and 8 now,
but many years ago,
the older one climbed
our backyard magnolia tree
with the younger one tucked
into a backpack with
holes cut out in the bottom
for her legs to fit through.
And she painted her green
from head to toe.
It's a miracle I still have my sanity.

A sweet end to a lovely day...

Related posts on motherhood, Ten Thousand Villages, and more...

• Briarpatch Birthday Brunch and Ten Thousand Villages
• A Mother’s Seeds
• The 12 P's of Stress Busting for Moms
• Tender Compassion for Mothers
• Joyful Liberty!
• Hypothetical (Big Words)
• "My Glorious Dishtowel" Redux and More 
• Reflections on Grace Based Parenting Book (series)
• Mom's Chauffeur and Courier Service (A Little Encouragement)
• Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh
• Knowing That She Hath Wings