This year - a challenging one among many - I know how much I need to receive wholeness, peace, hope, joy, and love. And that what I receive for my spiritual sustenance must be a constant fresh flow. It is easy to disconnect and run dry. I am no Super Saint here to save the world. I am one who is coming to Jesus and then turning around to share what he offers. I can only give what I have received.
This Christmas, all year: Jesus.
Virginia Knowles
P.S. #1: I try to keep this practical and not just theoretical. Tonight I am going to a monthly outreach organized by my daughter Julia at a motel where families live in transition. Many of our friends who live in the nearby woods will also attend. We are caroling, serving cookies and hot chocolate, and giving out Christmas gifts and clothing. I am bringing new fleece blankets, new socks, and some gift cards to the local dollar store. What can you do to help homeless neighbors near you? Here are some ideas: 13 Ways to Help People Who Are Homeless
P.S. #2: Every year I write at least one Advent poem. Here are the others:
My daughter and son sang in the
the Veteran's Day chorus concert at their high school.
(I picked him up from ROTC athletics
a mere one hour before call time,
and that was after home schooling my youngest daughter,
visiting two of my grandchildren,
and going to my chiropractor appointment.
Right before the concert, one of my adult daughters
called to say she had been rear ended.
She was injured and her car was totaled. Oh my.)
Wednesday, November 11
Breakfast at Bagel King
with a BOGO coupon -
but apparently I left
my wallet at home and
had to go back and get it.
Lots of errands and home schooling
that day, as always!
During a late night grocery run,
I bought these flowers for a friend
whom I would be visiting
at the beach the next day.
But I accidentally left them at home!
What is it with forgetting things at home?
When I got home from the store,
I saw on FB that one of my friends' daughters was unconscious in the hospital after a seizure.
I stayed up late to make sure she didn't
need me to come down and be with her.
Thursday, November 12
My grandson and newborn granddaughter
visited for an hour in the morning while
their mommy shopped at the
Boutique for a Week consignment sale.
Their ten year old aunt loves to play!
These photos of my granddaughter
were taken and posted on FB by
one of his other aunts -
ADORABLE!
When the little ones left, we raced off to a consultation with my spinal neurologist, but apparently I left
my MRI disc at home so we had to reschedule.
I had forgotten something again!
Then it was off to Daytona Beach
with my youngest daughter.
A friend had invited us to visit for a
couple of days during her week at a timeshare.
Two other moms and their daughters
came the next day so we could all hang out.
On our way to the beach,
we were practicing spelling and math.
And cutting up with a silly conversation of
"Oh gee, I forgot..."
Oh gee, I forgot the flowers!
Oh gee, we forgot to bring the house!
Oh gee, I forgot my hair!
Oh gee, I forgot my toe nails!
Oh gee, we forgot the road.
Then what are we driving on?
Crocodiles and lava!
Oh gee, we forgot the microwave!
What will we cook with?
The lava!
On and on, roaring in laughter.
And then she really remembered:
"Oh gee, I forgot my bear blanket!"
Not so funny.
Stephanie and I in the hot tub -
I am so grateful for her kindness and hospitality
through the 20+ years I've known her!
In the Shark souvenir store,
she did not forget her zany sense of humor.
Sunset
Friday, November 13
We spent the day with our friends
relaxing on the beach,
in the pool, in the hot tub, in our room.
But I needed to go back to the Orlando area
Friday evening for my middle school son's
All County concert.
Driving westward into the sunset
in traffic is not my idea of fun!
At the All County concert,
my son is on the right in the front row,
wearing a black shirt and red tie.
My phone died during the concert
so I didn't get our usual "after concert"
pictures, but one of his adult sisters
snapped this selfie with him.
As soon as I got to my van and plugged my dead phone
into the charger, I got this text from my 18 year old son.
I reeled in shock and I sat in my van and cried.
I logged on to the news sites from my phone to read more.
Andrew posted this image
that he found on Facebook. I agree.
I know I am very Euro-centric
in my own style and my sentiments,
even though I keep up with what is
happening in Africa and Asia,
especially with oppressed women and children.
He also wrote his own heartfelt thoughts.
I love how deep he is.
I thought back to my son's concert.
The boys Malestorm chorus had just sung
the traditional African song "Salaam Aleikum"
about peace "in our hearts, in our homes,
in the land, and in the world."
Yes, peace in the world.
I don't have time to edit and upload the video of them
singing it, but here is one from YouTube of another
middle school boys' choir in Florida singing it.
Driving back to Daytona Beach that night,
I noticed from the temperature gauge that
my van was starting to overheat.
Apparently, the radiator fluid
was leaking from somewhere.
I pulled off the highway and
stopped at a gas station to let it sit
and then add a whole gallon of coolant.
I didn't get back to the hotel until 10:30,
emotionally and physically exhausted.
Saturday, November 14
My daughter and I drove back
from Daytona Beach in the morning.
We had to pick up her brother and sister
after their ROTC unit marched
in a Veteran's Day parade.
We stopped at yard sales on the way,
and she bought this small camcorder for $4.
She loves to take pictures as much as I do!
After a long nap into the early evening,
I got up and tackled the mess on my desk.
I also synced my bedroom calendar
and the kitchen calendar with the
Google Calendar on my phone.
So much to do each week!
All tidy again!
Monday, November 16
I had to take my van in to be repaired
at 7:30 Monday morning.
The mechanic replaced the water pump.
It wasn't done until 10:30,
so I walked several blocks to
Winter Park Village to eat and browse.
I hadn't intended this huge interruption
to my day, but I remembered to
enjoy the quiet moments by myself
to appreciate some of the finer things of life.
Pancakes at Another Broken Egg
I love this sign in the restaurant.
This is how I live.
Just enough time to stroll through Adjectives Market after they opened at 10.
I had been to the Altamonte Springs
location before, but not this one.
I love antiques and pretty things!
I didn't see anything I needed to buy,
but I just love to look and savor the experience.
After Monday afternoon appointments,
I picked up my daughter to take her to
the Indian Market for a geography class project.
She had to take pictures
with her text book to
prove she had been there.
A Coke refrigerator -
filled with Indian food!
Again, I am very Euro-centric.
It was culture shock even walking
in to the store. I wish I'd been
prepared with some Indian recipes
so I could buy ingredients for a meal.
I did buy a few things, like a spice mix
for chicken, and some snacks.
My little girl and I are just finishing up
our unit study on Asia.
I should have brought her along.
Tuesday, November 17
I don't wear makeup often,
so I decided to take some selfies.
This was one of the more amusing ones.
A bit of a mischievous look?
That's me.
Back in the doctor's office,
waiting for my daughter's
well check.
She took this one of me -
a little more sedate this time.
Then it was off to the chiropractor
and a quick visit with
two of my grand babies
before heading home to clean house.
Do you get the idea that we spend a lot of time at appointments? Yep, several a week.
Then add on the after school pickups,
grocery trips, special events, and everything else.
At age 50, as part of my year of Pilgrimage and Jubilee, I’m
looking back at my meandering life path. I’m amazed at how many times that
simple, subtle gift of acceptance and affirmation from another human being –
whether close friend or random stranger – has created not just a ripple effect
but a surge of change. Appreciation and admiration carry this even further.
I could share dozens of personal examples, but it would take
too long for you to understand the context and the significance, and some of
the stories are just too personal. I am brought to tears just thinking of one
chain of events sent into massive domino effect by a single conversation. (It’s
still going, years later.) What moves me even more is to think that because of this, I dug
deeper into my faith, took a hard look at my life trajectory, and found my
voice just when I needed it most. That in turn had a powerful effect in the
lives of even more people, some of whom I have never met. What will they do
with that? Where will it go from there?
What about these little ideas with potentially big results?
How many have blessed you when someone else did them? How many can you do this
week, starting today?
Write a thank you letter to someone whose acceptance and
affirmation has made a difference to you.
Say “I love you” and “I know you can do it” and “I’m proud
of you” and “you are so special” often.
Make eye contact, even if you are “too busy” at the moment.
Hug your child every day and tell how much you love being
their parent.
Call your parents and siblings to say how much you appreciate
all they have done for you.
Display your child's art work in a prominent place.
Pay for supplies, equipment, or class tuition for a family
member to pursue building skills in an area where they show aptitude or talent. Your investment is a vote of confidence in
their abilities. If you don’t know
exactly what to buy, get a gift card to a store that specializes in that area.
Share a web link in an area of interest, showing that you notice
what makes them tick.
Write a favorable on-line review for a product or service.
Tell your spouse what you appreciate from the last day, like
balancing the checkbook or fixing a favorite meal or even fixing any meal at
all. The mundane daily things count,
too!
Compliment your child in the presence of others.
Congratulate or compliment a friend or family member on even
a small success.
Have a celebration dinner for a special accomplishment.
Ask for advice, which acknowledges their expertise.
Jot a personal note to someone you know is discouraged
telling how much you admire who they are and how they are handling their
difficulties.
Acknowledge, “You are right,” when it’s true, even and
especially if it’s during a conflict.
Ask “What do you mean by that? Help me understand what you
are thinking.”
Choose a thoughtful gift to say how special this person is
to you – and not just for a special occasion.
Leave a “secret admirer” surprise.
Include someone outside of the usual “inner circle” in your
group plans so they can get to know others better.
Create a photo album (tangible or digital) of special
moments you have shared.
Speak a kind word to a hardworking store employee or a mom
with toddlers in the checkout line.
Write a list of things you admire about someone. A friend gave me a list of 50 on my 50th
birthday – what an amazing gift!
Slip an affirmation into a child’s or spouse’s lunch.
Tape a note to the bathroom mirror or write it with dry
erase markers.
Write a personal reference for a student or employee.
Smile and a wave across the room – because you’re happy to
see them! Then walk over for a chat.
Write a letter to your favorite author with an explanation
of how their book has touched your life.
Show your excitement about good news – even if you are
jealous!
Leave a positive comment on a blog post.
Take a friend or family member to lunch to nurture your
relationship – even if it is going on an inexpensive picnic.
Make amends with someone you have offended, to let them know
they are important to you and you want to rebuild the relationship.
Try these! You might never even know how many lives you affect.
One of the sweet perks of being a blogger is that I receive great books to review! When author Meg Moseley offered me an advance copy of her second novel, Gone South, I jumped at the chance. I loved her first book, When Sparrows Fall, about a widowed home schooling mother of six emerging from years of spiritual abuse in her family and church. Meg's new novel, quite different in subject matter and certainly a lighter read, is definitely a book to pack for a lazy day on the beach.
The book cover is amazing. So is her likable character, 35 year old Tish McComb, who, on a whim, moves from Michigan to Alabama and buys the Civil War era home once owned by her ancestors. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to her, said ancestors have a nasty and still well-known reputation as carpetbaggers. Nobody except for the antique store owner is willing to give her a chance. One thing I love about Tish is that her frosty "welcome" in town doesn't prevent her from taking in a very troubled homeless local girl who has been rejected by her family, even though it only makes everyone even more suspicious of her.
Meg Moseley
Meg Moseley weaves a tale of redemption without being preachy or trite. It's all about overcoming prejudice, grief, family dysfunction, and whatever other else life throws at you. (As someone who lives with Attention Deficit Disorder, I especially appreciate her sensitivity to those with learning disabilities.) This book is about finding authentic friendships, living a full life, and confidently doing what you know is right no matter what others think. Throw in a stubborn little dog, a vintage black dress and a few fast cars, and I'd call this a winning story. Keep them coming, Meg!
A week ago, I wrote an article with my thoughts about CJ Mahaney and the current crisis in Sovereign Grace Ministries. There have been nearly 4,000 page loads on this blog since then. This is quite unusual since prior to that, my average per day was only about 30-50.
Last night, I substantially revised, reorganized, and updated my original post. If you just stumbled on this blog and you aren’t already really familiar with the issue, or even if you read the article when I first wrote it and want to see the new information and links, you may can read it here: My Thoughts on CJ Mahaney and Sovereign Grace Ministries.
In today’s post, I would like to do offer five things:
A brief background refresher
My recommendations for CJ Mahaney
My recommendations for the SGM board of directors
My recommendations for local SGM churches
My response to concerns brought up by those who read my original post
A brief background refresher: Before I start with the recommendations, the short version of the story is that CJ Mahaney is the co-founder of Sovereign Grace Ministries (SGM), formerly known as People of Destiny International (PDI). SGM is an association (or denomination) of about 70 churches, mostly in the United States but some in other countries. Over the past 30 years of its existence, serious complaints have been made about the organization about abuse of spiritual authority, mismanagement of members’ crises, and a pervading overemphasis on the sinful nature. In the past few years, these concerns have been expressed by an entire on-line community of ex-members on two protest blogs, www.sgmsurvivors.com and www.sgmrefuge.com. A former SGM insider, Brent Detwiler, also compiled hundreds of pages of careful documentation with his allegations and evidence, and circulated them among SGM pastors after trying unsuccessfully for many years to bring correction directly to Mr. Mahaney. After Mr. Mahaney announced last week that he was stepping down temporarily from SGM for a period of evaluation and correction, these documents were uploaded to the Internet by an anonymous person. Since then, a flurry of commentary has exploded on the Internet. I was a member of the Metro Life Church, one of the two SGM churches in the Orlando area, for eight years. We left the church one year ago this week, along with about 300 other people.
What should CJ Mahaney do? I believe that he should, of his own volition, resign immediately and permanently from any kind of leadership within Sovereign Grace Ministries. Through his mismanagement and the subsequent scandal (if I may call it that), he has permanently damaged the trust of a significant percentage of the people who were/are in these congregations, as well as in the larger world beyond SGM. (As I noted in the update to my previous post, his personnel history alone would disqualify him from leadership in any other corporate or non-profit organization.) He has also, perhaps unwittingly, fostered an atmosphere of hero-worship and “fear of man” which is unhealthy for a church that claims to worship God alone. I believe that he should devote a few years to spending some time with God and his own family outside of the public limelight. He can use this season to nurture a fresh reliance on the power of the Holy Spirit to change his life as he seeks to evaluate and correct what has gone wrong. During this time, he should, to the best of his ability, reconcile with those who have grievances against him – not just fellow leaders, but ordinary people. This includes making full public apology and appropriate restitution. After that, he could return to public conference speaking and writing. Those in the larger Christian world who still wish to hear what he has to say can do so. I believe that his gifts and his passion for the gospel of Jesus can flourish better outside of the pastorate and organizational leadership.
What should the SGM board of directors do? If CJ Mahaney does not choose to immediately and permanently step down from any leadership in SGM, the board members should make that decision for him. Then they should follow suit. The board members should also acknowledge their own abuses of authority, make fully public apologies, seek out those they have offended, make restitution where appropriate, and attempt reconciliation. Then SGM should disband as an organization and let each congregation become completely autonomous.
What should local SGM churches do? If the CJ Mahaney and the board of directors fail to resign and disband SGM, local pastors, bolstered by the support of their members, should continue to put pressure on them to do this – and not be intimidated by fear of being fired. Once SGM has disbanded, local pastors will be free and empowered to deal with the crises in their own congregations without having to wait for and follow what upper level SGM leaders are deciding for them. They can seek the fresh guidance of the Holy Spirit and consult with their own members as they move forward in ministry. They can also redraft their church constitutions, as SGM’s flagship Covenant Life Church has promised to do. The pastors in each church should renounce and repent for any authoritarian leadership. They should seek to humble themselves and submit to their members rather than demanding respect and obedience because of their positions. Pastors should also seek out those who have left their churches to offer reconciliation and restitution, without expecting them to return. In addition, they should start recommending, and in some cases funding, professional (non-church) Christian counseling for those who need it.
So, dear readers, what do you think? Leave a comment for all of us to read!
UPDATE: After I posted this, I was alerted to this note on the SGM web site: An Honest Take on a Difficult Week. What is very encouraging is that they are allowing dissenting comments. That's a start! There may still be hope for SGM as an organization, but I guess we'll all have to wait and see!
May I also present…
My Response to Concerns Brought Up by Readers of the Original Blog Post
Since posting on my blog last week, I have received a lot of e-mail in my inbox. A friend warned me that I would want my children to look at my life through a thick lens of grace if they were writing about me in public, and that I would not want a response from others of "too little, too late." As she wrote, "According to Scripture, anyone is only one step away from God – a step of repentance. So, please be careful what you say and send out. You will reap what you sow." That is all so true. It is a sobering thought. I know my children could find a lot of unpleasant things to say about me. I mess up a lot as a mother. There is always time for looking at the log in your own eye before trying to remove the speck from someone else’s. But that doesn’t mean we need to be perfect before we open our mouths. It means we need to acknowledge our own problems, not entirely fix them, before speaking out.
Other friends have questioned whether those who protest against SGM’s abuses are properly following the corrective procedures set forth in Matthew 18. I think theologian D.A. Carson ably addresses that issue of bringing public correction to public figures and teachings (in his case, the Emergent Church movement) here: Editorial on Abusing Matthew 18. Australian born blogger, Anna Blanch, who is in her final year of a PhD at theInstitute of Theology, Imagination and the Arts, at the University of St Andrews, Scotland, also recently wrote the article Calling Out Christian Leaders in the Age of Digital Mediain light of the some of the controversies surrounding popular preacher Mark Driscoll.
Another thought for those who object to publicly questioning Christian leaders and institutions, is that this is following the example of reformers like Martin Luther, who posted his 95 Theses on the Wittenburg Door, or the Puritans, who called for reform in the Church of England. (Note that I am not a huge fan of the Puritans since my ancestor Margaret Scott was the last and oldest person that they hanged during the Salem witch trials. She was no witch, just a cranky old lady in the wrong place in the wrong century.) Just within the past decade, think about the people involved in the International Church of Christ - also known as the Boston Movement – who spoke out boldly to warn others about the abusive (even cultic) leadership and doctrine. It certainly made a change in their organization as the leader, Kip McKean, stepped down. (See here for a start: http://www.reveal.org/) Shall I go on?
Another reader asked me, “How's the view from your high seat of judgment?”, then suggested that I “seem so overly eager to jump into the fray” and asked if I felt that my blog post glorified God. I replied to the last question, “That is always my intent in whatever I write, as you will see consistently on all of my blogs. It is very difficult for me as a mother and friend of SGM members to put myself out there like this, but what I do is with firm conviction and peace.” And, “I have prayed much about when would be the right time to speak out more publicly. On Friday night, it was time. I do not rejoice in this situation. It grieves me deeply. It would be so much easier to ignore it and wish it would go away. It will not.”
So I know that my words have hit a nerve. A few people have asked questions like, "Why don't you just move on?" or "Why don't you just go settle your grievances with your former church?" Please understand that while I did have some difficult experiences there, I don't write to redress or avenge them. That is totally not the point. My problems were actually quite minor compared to most, and they were (as necessary) resolved with those involved. None of those people were trying to cause me harm, and I wish them the very best. What is at stake are life-giving principles of liberty, justice, grace, and truth. I care about others, and want them to be able to see and avoid the pitfalls that have caused so many such distress, not only with the Sovereign Grace movement but within other movements. If you don't know what I mean yet, please take the time to read at www.sgmrefuge.com and www.sgmsurvivors.com. Or, if you would like the perspective of individual ex-members, read the blog posts about SGM by a young college studentor aformer member in Canadaor atSpiritual Tyranny. Please note that I do not endorse everything you will find at these sites. They are only provided FYDI (for your discerning information). The stories are both plentiful and painful to read. Yes, you will find rancor and angst and harsh words. This begs the question, “Why don't you all just move on and forget about SGM?” Part of it is that people are still processing their pain, and it helps read the similar experiences of others, to write about their own stories, and to talk it through, back and forth, bit by bit. And part of it is that they want to warn people of what to expect as members of Sovereign Grace affiliated churches.
Granted, some SGM members are perfectly happy in their churches and suffering no ill effects. They don’t see any significant problems. I’m glad for them. But others are hurting deeply and wondering if something is wrong with them. In their SGM experience, they feel like they are being spiritually oppressed or that they are in a dark and dismal place. (This was my experience, and I wrote the poem “It Became to Me a Dark Thing”thesame week we left, which is, coincidentally, almost exactly one year ago.) It was, in a way, a form of spiritual bondage to inward legalism, and I would love to spare other people from my experience with it. While I certainly don't equate SGM with the barbarity of 1800's slavery, I do think of Harriet Tubman. She was not content with her own freedom if she could not share it with her people, so she went back over and over and over again, at great risk to herself. How dare I compare myself to her? How hard is it to write a blog post in the comfort of my home, as compared to facing the swamp, the whip, and the "Wanted, dead or alive" signs? I’ve got it easy. So, I don’t wish to compare myself, just aspire to her nobility and courage in my own little 21st century techno-mommy ways.
In closing to this postscript, I leave you with a few recent related blog posts.
