Disentangle (A Poem)

"Disentangle"

by Virginia Knowles

When I was a girl of 10 or so

I would sit long with a fat skein of vibrant yarn

Tangled by carelessness or cat

And I would focus my child eyes and

With supple hand, loosen the knots gently

Guide this end through that loop

Look again and plan how to untangle this mess

Delicately

And one by one the knots would clear

I would wind new inches onto my salvage ball

Wedged between my knees to keep it from rolling away

And I would work another tangle and another, satisfied

Then set it aside for later

Times, too, that fibers enmeshed, refused to budge

No undoing that hard and tight knot, no chance of change

No choice but to give it a hard yank, break it right there

Or better yet, find scissors and cut it loose

To go on with disentangling and reclaiming the rest

I think of that now

Kindred poems...

• Shimmer and Shadow
• The Harp in the Willow
• Your Kindness Gave Me Courage
• Pilgrimage and Jubilee
• Lift Up Your Head and Laugh
• This Is My Song and I Sing
• Between the Seed and the Tree
• Do Cry
• Rebound

Grace and peace,

Virginia Knowles

June Links - Mine and Others

My youngest daughter

Dear friends,

I'd like to share links to two recent posts on my other blogs, and two recent posts by others that I read via the BlogLovin reader.  Enjoy!

FOLLOW THE WAY OF LOVE

My thoughts on 1 Corinthians 13-14 - and what love and leadership are and are not 

ORDER & ORGANIZATION

Room by room, tool by tool, little by little, how I'm trying to conquer the chaos...

WHAT I WISH I HAD KNOWN (AKA MY BAKER'S DOZEN)

      Wise life lessons from Brenna at Beautiful Things

20 WAYS TO REJUVENATE OUR BODY, MIND AND SPIRIT THIS SUMMER

 Inspiring ideas from Denise at Little House on the Valley

Let me know what you think!  What are your favorite June links?

Virginia
www.VirginiaKnowles.blogspot.com

My youngest grandson

Advocating for the Vulnerable Series on Watch the Shepherd Blog

Dear friends,

I've been compiling a series on Advocating for the Vulnerable on my Watch the Shepherd blog.  So far I have six posts, and I plan to do more articles on urban ministry, immigrants, and human trafficking.  Some of them will include interviews, others book reviews. 

A friend who is a former victim of domestic violence wrote to tell me how much my article on that topic meant to her today.  As I noted in it, most of us already know someone who is directly affected by family violence, whether we are aware of it or not. Just a few miles from our house, a fatal domestic violence tragedy hit the national news this week.  Just think of all of the people whom we never even hear about.

If you haven't had a chance to read these yet, I invite you to click these links.  If you see something that would be helpful to those whom you know, would you be so kind as to share the links with them either by e-mail or on your Facebook status?

• #1: A Story About Elder Abuse
• #2: Homeless
• #3: Identifying Child Trafficking Victims
• #4: Dignity, Decisions, and Liberty of Conscience
• #5: Justice by Heart
• #6: We Can't Ignore Domestic Violence

Other related articles not in this current series include:

• My Thoughts on the Sexualization of the Church (and Other Problems)
• Child Discipline or Child Abuse?
• Why Am I Still Writing About Abuse?
• Manifesto of Liberty and Responsibility in Christian Families
• Recovering, Still...
• Why I'm NOT a Fan of Mark Driscoll, Real Marriage, Mars Hill, Acts 29

Related series and articles on another of my blogs, www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com:

• Melancholy
• At Our Best Bravely (Encouragement for Tired Moms)...
• Knowing That She Hath Wings
• Gender & Authority series
• Reflections on Grace Based Parenting Book series

And finally, not related at all but newly updated...

• P52 Photo Project Compilation - 42 weeks of themed photos so far!

Grace,

Virginia Knowles
www.VirginiaKnowles.blogspot.com

Reflections on the 6th of Luke

Dear friends,

I'm taking a fast-paced read through the book of Luke in the Bible.  I try to read a chapter a day, but sometimes it's so meaty that I have to split it up into smaller passages.   I try to write a little about it each time, even if it is just copying a verse or two.  Sometimes I'm able to focus enough to ponder more and write my reflections in my journal.

I like to share with you some thoughts from the 6th chapter, which you can read first here: Luke 6.  There is so much in this chapter that I didn't write about all of it, especially since my mind was also musing on extensions of these concepts that were not strictly found in this one passage but in other related ones.  

Throughout this post, I excerpt key verses I was thinking about most of all, and then write about them.

~*~*~

6 On another Sabbath he went into the synagogue and was teaching, and a man was there whose right hand was shriveled. ⁷ The Pharisees and the teachers of the law were looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, so they watched him closely to see if he would heal on the Sabbath. ⁸ But Jesus knew what they were thinking and said to the man with the shriveled hand, “Get up and stand in front of everyone.” So he got up and stood there.  

 ⁹ Then Jesus said to them, “I ask you, which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to destroy it?”

 ¹⁰ He looked around at them all, and then said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He did so, and his hand was completely restored. ¹¹ But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law were furious and began to discuss with one another what they might do to Jesus.

Jesus "worked" on the Sabbath (in this case, by healing the man with the shriveled hand -- not just the hand, but the whole man) but he also prayed every day.  He was fully into everything that was worthwhile for him to do, no matter what it was or when it was.  He didn't say, "It's not the Sabbath, so I don't need to be religious," nor "It is the Sabbath, so I can't do practical things."

For him, life was whole and integrated, not compartmentalized. Weeping and mourning could go hand in hand with rejoicing.  He could treat an enemy as a friend, and yet say something difficult to a friend.   He could give and receive. He could be discerning and merciful at the same time.  So can we.  What is always required? Love, reverence, wisdom, kindness, obedience to the Word.

Jesus was also bold.  He didn't shy away from doing or saying something which might be unpopular.  He didn't just stumble into healing the man.  He knew what the Pharisees were thinking, and he was proactive about healing.  He took the initiative.  No one pressured him into it.  In fact, he already knew they would be furious with him for breaking their man-made religious rules.

~*~*~

¹² One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God. ¹³ When morning came, he called his disciples to him and chose twelve of them, whom he also designated apostles: ¹⁴ Simon (whom he named Peter), his brother Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, ¹⁵ Matthew, Thomas, James son of Alphaeus, Simon who was called the Zealot, ¹⁶ Judas son of James, and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor.

In this chapter Jesus healed, prayed, preached the gospel, and chose his 12 apostles from among his many disciples.  These apostles, like all of the disciples, were primarily followers of Jesus. From the overflow of that following, they led and trained others later. 

Perhaps one reason some Christian leaders get into trouble with authoritarian control is that they see themselves primarily as leaders rather than followers, teachers rather than fellow learners, those who want to change others rather than be transformed from within by the precious power and presence of Jesus (through the Holy Spirit), who alone can change a heart.

The Pharisees were more concerned about maintaining their own power than about truly ministering to a needy, hurting, oppressed and confused people.  The Pharisees lost their effectiveness as leaders because their rules were more important to them than the miracles of God. What the people really needed was Jesus and his dynamic power.  So do we.  Jesus used his power for the good of other people, not an end in itself for himself.  He gave them truth, not empty promises and platitudes.

~*~*~ 

²⁰ Looking at his disciples, he said: “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. ²¹ Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh. ²² Blessed are you when people hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. ²³ “Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their ancestors treated the prophets.

Another theme of this chapter is getting past the immediate outer appearance of worth and success instead of seeing "big picture" and "long term."  Popularity and wealth and control are not what matters.  Even being well-treated by others is not the ultimate goal. We can't always control what others do, but we are responsible for ourselves. Who we are inside (the purity and power of  character) and what we do as the fruit of that (love, mercy, forgiveness, compassion, generosity, courage) are the true marks of genuine worth and success.  What is in your heart will come out in what you say and do.  That's where the inner meets the outer.

~*~*~

²⁷ “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, ²⁸ bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. ²⁹ If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. ³⁰ Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. ³¹ Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Jesus was specific and practical in his teaching, but he also gave broad principles that covered much more. He could talk about lending to the poor, but also about doing to others as we would have them do to us.  That way, he couldn't fall into the opposite ditches of being nitpicky & narrow, or vague & non-committal.

~*~*~

³² “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. ³³ And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. ³⁴ And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. ³⁵ But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. ³⁶ Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

"The Most High is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked." Does that mean he never punishes them in his justice?  No, he still does.  He gives them opportunity to repent.  He is patient.  He sends rain on the just and the unjust -- the "common graces."  Likewise, we should be kind to others, even if they are not kind to us.

~*~*~ 

⁴³ “No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. ⁴⁴ Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. ⁴⁵ A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

⁴⁶ “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? ⁴⁷ As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like. ⁴⁸ They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. ⁴⁹ But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”

When the action doesn't match the speech and intention, there is hypocrisy.  You can't truly say Jesus is Lord of your life if you aren't willing to obey him.  It is not enough to hear it and mentally agree with it. We must do it. Some people equate agreement with obedience.  They can pretend, and talk a great talk, and make a few half-hearted gestures of compliance for the sake of reputation, but if it's not authentic from the core, it won't last long. It will crumble like a house on the sand.  Genuine faith follows through even (and especially) when no one else notices.

So those are my notes on parts of Luke 6.

What do you think about all of this?  What stands out to you?  Did you glean something different from this chapter?

What is God teaching you from your Bible reading and prayer time?

Blessings,
Virginia Knowles
www.VirginiaKnowles.blogspot.com

My Recommendations for CJ Mahaney and SGM (From the Cheap Seats!)

Dear friends,

A week ago, I wrote an article with my thoughts about CJ Mahaney and the current crisis in Sovereign Grace Ministries.  There have been nearly 4,000 page loads on this blog since then.  This is quite unusual since prior to that, my average per day was only about 30-50. 

Last night, I substantially revised, reorganized, and updated my original post.  If you just stumbled on this blog and you aren’t already really familiar with the issue, or even if you read the article when I first wrote it and want to see the new information and links, you may can read it here: My Thoughts on CJ Mahaney and Sovereign Grace Ministries.    

In today’s post, I would like to do offer five things:

1. A brief background refresher
2. My recommendations for CJ Mahaney
3. My recommendations for the SGM board of directors
4. My recommendations for local SGM churches
5. My response to concerns brought up by those who read my original post 

A brief background refresher: Before I start with the recommendations, the short version of the story is that CJ Mahaney is the co-founder of Sovereign Grace Ministries (SGM), formerly known as People of Destiny International (PDI).  SGM is an association (or denomination) of about 70 churches, mostly in the United States but some in other countries.   Over the past 30 years of its existence, serious complaints have been made about the organization about abuse of spiritual authority, mismanagement of members’ crises, and a pervading overemphasis on the sinful nature.  In the past few years, these concerns have been expressed by an entire on-line community of ex-members on two protest blogs, www.sgmsurvivors.com and www.sgmrefuge.com.   A former SGM insider, Brent Detwiler, also compiled hundreds of pages of careful documentation with his allegations and evidence, and circulated them among SGM pastors after trying unsuccessfully for many years to bring correction directly to Mr. Mahaney.  After Mr. Mahaney announced last week that he was stepping down temporarily from SGM for a period of evaluation and correction, these documents were uploaded to the Internet by an anonymous person.  Since then, a flurry of commentary has exploded on the Internet.  I was a member of the Metro Life Church, one of the two SGM churches in the Orlando area, for eight years.  We left the church one year ago this week, along with about 300 other people.

What should CJ Mahaney do?  I believe that he should, of his own volition, resign immediately and permanently from any kind of leadership within Sovereign Grace Ministries.  Through his mismanagement and the subsequent scandal (if I may call it that), he has permanently damaged the trust of a significant percentage of the people who were/are in these congregations, as well as in the larger world beyond SGM.  (As I noted in the update to my previous post, his personnel history alone would disqualify him from leadership in any other corporate or non-profit organization.)  He has also, perhaps unwittingly, fostered an atmosphere of hero-worship and “fear of man” which is unhealthy for a church that claims to worship God alone.  I believe that he should devote a few years to spending some time with God and his own family outside of the public limelight.  He can use this season to nurture a fresh reliance on the power of the Holy Spirit to change his life as he seeks to evaluate and correct what has gone wrong.  During this time, he should, to the best of his ability, reconcile with those who have grievances against him – not just fellow leaders, but ordinary people.  This includes making full public apology and appropriate restitution.  After that, he could return to public conference speaking and writing.  Those in the larger Christian world who still wish to hear what he has to say can do so.  I believe that his gifts and his passion for the gospel of Jesus can flourish better outside of the pastorate and organizational leadership.

What should the SGM board of directors do? If CJ Mahaney does not choose to immediately and permanently step down from any leadership in SGM, the board members should make that decision for him.  Then they should follow suit. The board members should also acknowledge their own abuses of authority, make fully public apologies, seek out those they have offended, make restitution where appropriate, and attempt reconciliation.  Then SGM should disband as an organization and let each congregation become completely autonomous. 

What should local SGM churches do?  If the CJ Mahaney and the board of directors fail to resign and disband SGM, local pastors, bolstered by the support of their members, should continue to put pressure on them to do this – and not be intimidated by fear of being fired.  Once SGM has disbanded, local pastors will be free and empowered to deal with the crises in their own congregations without having to wait for and follow what upper level SGM leaders are deciding for them.  They can seek the fresh guidance of the Holy Spirit and consult with their own members as they move forward in ministry. They can also redraft their church constitutions, as SGM’s flagship Covenant Life Church has promised to do.   The pastors in each church should renounce and repent for any authoritarian leadership.  They should seek to humble themselves and submit to their members rather than demanding respect and obedience because of their positions.  Pastors should also seek out those who have left their churches to offer reconciliation and restitution, without expecting them to return.  In addition, they should start recommending, and in some cases funding, professional (non-church) Christian counseling for those who need it.

So, dear readers, what do you think?  Leave a comment for all of us to read!

UPDATE: After I posted this, I was alerted to this note on the SGM web site: An Honest Take on a Difficult Week.  What is very encouraging is that they are allowing dissenting comments.  That's a start!  There may still be hope for SGM as an organization, but I guess we'll all have to wait and see!


May I also present…

My Response to Concerns Brought Up by Readers of the Original Blog Post

Since posting on my blog last week, I have received a lot of e-mail in my inbox.  A friend warned me that I would want my children to look at my life through a thick lens of grace if they were writing about me in public, and that I would not want a response from others of "too little, too late."  As she wrote, "According to Scripture, anyone is only one step away from God – a step of repentance.  So, please be careful what you say and send out.  You will reap what you sow."  That is all so true. It is a sobering thought.  I know my children could find a lot of unpleasant things to say about me.  I mess up a lot as a mother.  There is always time for looking at the log in your own eye before trying to remove the speck from someone else’s.  But that doesn’t mean we need to be perfect before we open our mouths.  It means we need to acknowledge our own problems, not entirely fix them, before speaking out. 

Other friends have questioned whether those who protest against SGM’s abuses are properly following the corrective procedures set forth in Matthew 18.  I think theologian D.A. Carson ably addresses that issue of bringing public correction to public figures and teachings (in his case, the Emergent Church movement) here: Editorial on Abusing Matthew 18.  Australian born blogger, Anna Blanch, who is in her final year of a PhD at the Institute of Theology, Imagination and the Arts, at the University of St Andrews, Scotland, also recently wrote the article Calling Out Christian Leaders in the Age of Digital Media in light of the some of the controversies surrounding popular preacher Mark Driscoll.

Another thought for those who object to publicly questioning Christian leaders and institutions, is that this is following the example of reformers like Martin Luther, who posted his 95 Theses on the Wittenburg Door, or the Puritans, who called for reform in the Church of England. (Note that I am not a huge fan of the Puritans since my ancestor Margaret Scott was the last and oldest person that they hanged during the Salem witch trials.  She was no witch, just a cranky old lady in the wrong place in the wrong century.)  Just within the past decade, think about the people involved in the International Church of Christ - also known as the Boston Movement – who spoke out boldly to warn others about the abusive (even cultic) leadership and doctrine. It certainly made a change in their organization as the leader, Kip McKean, stepped down. (See here for a start: http://www.reveal.org/)  Shall I go on?

Another reader asked me, “How's the view from your high seat of judgment?”, then suggested that I “seem so overly eager to jump into the fray” and asked if I felt that my blog post glorified God.   I replied to the last question, “That is always my intent in whatever I write, as you will see consistently on all of my blogs. It is very difficult for me as a mother and friend of SGM members to put myself out there like this, but what I do is with firm conviction and peace.” And, “I have prayed much about when would be the right time to speak out more publicly. On Friday night, it was time. I do not rejoice in this situation. It grieves me deeply. It would be so much easier to ignore it and wish it would go away. It will not.”

So I know that my words have hit a nerve.  A few people have asked questions like, "Why don't you just move on?" or "Why don't you just go settle your grievances with your former church?"  Please understand that while I did have some difficult experiences there, I don't write to redress or avenge them.  That is totally not the point.   My problems were actually quite minor compared to most, and they were (as necessary) resolved with those involved.  None of those people were trying to cause me harm, and I wish them the very best.  What is at stake are life-giving principles of liberty, justice, grace, and truth.  I care about others, and want them to be able to see and avoid the pitfalls that have caused so many such distress, not only with the Sovereign Grace movement but within other movements.   If you don't know what I mean yet, please take the time to read at www.sgmrefuge.com and www.sgmsurvivors.com.  Or, if you would like the perspective of individual ex-members, read the blog posts about SGM by a young college student or a former member in Canada or at Spiritual Tyranny.   Please note that I do not endorse everything you will find at these sites. They are only provided FYDI (for your discerning information).  The stories are both plentiful and painful to read.  Yes, you will find rancor and angst and harsh words.  This begs the question, “Why don't you all just move on and forget about SGM?”  Part of it is that people are still processing their pain, and it helps read the similar experiences of others, to write about their own stories, and to talk it through, back and forth, bit by bit.   And part of it is that they want to warn people of what to expect as members of Sovereign Grace affiliated churches. 

Granted, some SGM members are perfectly happy in their churches and suffering no ill effects.  They don’t see any significant problems.  I’m glad for them.  But others are hurting deeply and wondering if something is wrong with them.  In their SGM experience, they feel like they are being spiritually oppressed or that they are in a dark and dismal place.  (This was my experience, and I wrote the poem “It Became to Me a Dark Thing” the same week we left, which is, coincidentally, almost exactly one year ago.)  It was, in a way, a form of spiritual bondage to inward legalism, and I would love to spare other people from my experience with it. While I certainly don't equate SGM with the barbarity of 1800's slavery, I do think of Harriet Tubman.  She was not content with her own freedom if she could not share it with her people, so she went back over and over and over again, at great risk to herself.  How dare I compare myself to her?  How hard is it to write a blog post in the comfort of my home, as compared to facing the swamp, the whip, and the "Wanted, dead or alive" signs?  I’ve got it easy.  So, I don’t wish to compare myself, just aspire to her nobility and courage in my own little 21st century techno-mommy ways. 

In closing to this postscript, I leave you with a few recent related blog posts.

On Mommy Blogging: Image, Identity, Authenticity and Freedom – writing in late June, I hinted at the issues within SGM without naming the organization

Weekend Gratitude: Lord Have Mercy – reflections from a mellow little PCA church service post-SGM

Spiritual Warfare Prayer - for those who are praying for SGM leaders and members.

All blessings of grace, joy, and peace to you,

Virginia Knowles

www.VirginiaKnowles.blogspot.com

My Thoughts on CJ Mahaney and Sovereign Grace Ministries

Welcome to my commentary about CJ Mahaney and the current crisis in Sovereign Grace Ministries.  Please note that this post, originally written on July 8, has been substantially revised, reorganized, and updated as of July 16.  I have also deleted many comments (mostly my own!) because I either incorporated the information into the main blog post or I felt that they detracted from the flow of the conversation. If you have comments about this or any other post, I would be delighted to hear from you, even if I can't always respond right away.

As a followup, on July 16, I also wrote My Recommendations for CJ Mahaney and Sovereign Grace Ministries. This new post also includes my responses to concerns brought up by readers of the original post that you will read below.  


Note: There is an update as of October 17, 2012 and another from December 3, 2011 at the bottom of this post.

Dear friends,

On July 6, I was quite surprised to receive the news that C.J. Mahaney, the president of Sovereign Grace Ministries, had stepped down temporarily for a season of evaluation and repentance in the midst of grave allegations about his leadership.   One paragraph from Mr. Mahaney reads, “Over the last few years some former pastors and leaders in Sovereign Grace have made charges against me and informed me about offenses they have with me as well as other leaders in Sovereign Grace. These charges are serious and they have been very grieving to read. These charges are not related to any immorality or financial impropriety, but this doesn’t minimize their serious nature, which include various expressions of pride, unentreatability, deceit, sinful judgment, and hypocrisy.”

Why should this matter to you, and why does it matter to me?  It should matter to you because Mr. Mahaney is a well known author and conference speaker who is lauded as a leader among Reformed evangelicals like John Piper, Al Mohler, Ligon Duncan, Mark Dever, Mark Driscoll and others.  His young protégé Josh Harris is also a popular author and speaker.  As such, Mr. Mahaney has a lot of influence, and how he behaves reflects on the church at large.  It matters to me because for 8 years, I was a faithful member of SGM.  Most of my family and I left the local SGM church last year, but we still have an adult daughter and many dear friends who are members there. 

I would like to share with you some of the back story, starting with how it became more of a priority for me.   A little over three years ago, while corresponding with a Mormon friend about our respective faiths, I started researching not only the Latter Day Saints church, but the dynamics and doctrines of other contemporary religious movements.  I focused particularly on ones with authoritarian leadership styles and/or unusual beginnings.   (Later this study would also expand to the patriarchal segment of the Christian home schooling movement, where there is much overlap. I have written a series on Gender & Authority.) By what I would call divine coincidence, I stumbled on a pair of blogs written by ex-members of SGM, www.sgmsurvivors.com and www.sgmrefuge.com. In the posts and comments, they shared raw tales of abuse of authority, church dysfunction, and pastoral mishandling of serious situations such as child molestation, domestic abuse, substance abuse, mental illness and suicide. Other recurrent themes are the intense sin-focus, the inward and outward legalism, the lack of grace, and the quenching of the transforming power of the Holy Spirit – all of which I was already noticing more and more as the months and years rolled by. 

What about the authoritarian leadership model? Another observation was that SGM (then known as People of Destiny International or PDI) had its earliest roots in the shepherding movement, which advocated invasive scrutiny of members’ lives by pastors and home group (aka care group) leaders, while at the same time not holding these leaders themselves accountable to their own congregations.  The “shepherding movement” was founded by the Ft. Lauderdale Five: Derek Prince, Don Basham, Bob Mumford, Charles Simpson, and Ern Baxter. Most of these five men realized the danger of what they started, and later publicly disavowed the model and methods as being dangerous. A former PDI pastor named Chris wrote to me questioning details of PDI/SGM’s early associations and influences with these men and their followers, and suggesting that PDI invented their own “creative brand of control” that resulted in fostering “the amazing blogs that have flourished” (referring to Refuge and Survivors). On the other hand, I have been told by an ex-member that the shepherding movement’s New Wine magazine was often read by PDI pastors. Either way, the general consensus among ex-members is that the organization did indeed adopt an unhealthy level of control at all levels. Chris (the pastor) did join others in pointing to the influence of Bill Gothard, whose conferences and materials about family life (Institute of Basic Life Principles) and home education (Advanced Training Institute) were popular among PDI leaders. (As a side note, I have been reading countless tragic stories by people whose lives and families have been shattered by IBLP’s and ATI’s legalistic requirements and rigid emphasis on authority. There is an entire web site devoted to former members at www.RecoveringGrace.org.) But whatever the formative influences were, I believe that SGM never completely outgrew that paradigm, though it has softened somewhat over the years. Typically, in this kind of environment, there is a pervading atmosphere of fear among both pastors and members. 

• fear of failure if someone in leadership isn't telling you what to do
• fear of taking initiative on new projects because that will be seen as pridefully “putting yourself forward”
• fear of being seen as unsubmissive (especially the wives and young adults)
• fear of being dismissed as proud and bitter if you try to bring up something bothering you
• fear of being publicly shamed, asked to leave the church, or shunned by the members
• fear that you will lose your children to “the world” if you choose not to do it their way, which in SGM circles usually  means home schooling and courtship
• fear of other evangelical Christians not in or approved by your group (as evidenced by which quotes are mentioned from the pulpit and which books are sold in the church bookstore)
• fear of trained mental health professionals, Christian or secular
• fear of the culture around us

Did all of this drama affect our own congregation in Orlando?  Yes, most certainly.   I am not going to detail specific incidents that were personally troubling to me.  That would be unnecessary and perhaps hurtful to those who were involved.  However, I will say that I was noticing enough “red flags” to really bother me, primarily in home groups, women’s events, congregational meetings, and church discipline situations.   In addition, while I like to think that I am normally a cheerful and easy going person, I experienced periodic depression and anxiety.  While there certainly may be other factors (like having 10 children in 18 years) I attribute the increase in symptoms to an atmosphere of neo-Puritan “worm mentality” and fear. (See my poem “It Became to Me a Dark Thing".) Increasingly distressed and trying to stay objective, I was putting up with all of it the best I could for the sake of my relationships there and out of a sense of loyalty to the church.  However, there were a few trigger incidents which I could not let slide by without speaking about my concerns to the pastors, especially regarding the nature of grace in the Christian life.  They listened carefully and politely, and I respect them for that.  They also preached a wonderful series on the grace of God, which was a huge blessing to me.  I started to hope that there might be some meaningful change in the atmosphere of the church. Then in early 2010, our worship pastor resigned, citing irreconcilable differences with the other pastors over a period of years. All of the sudden, people in the pews who had been blissfully ignorant of any on-going problems got a really rude awakening. They started asking questions and demanding answers. Congregational meetings got quite heated. Other disturbing things happened as well. And for many of us, it was just too much to stay. From what I’ve been told, about 300 people, maybe more, have left the church since then. (This kind of mass exodus has happened in other SGM churches as well.)  A sizable percentage of those who left had been members for over 20 years. Many of them had been pillars of the church, serving as leaders in the home groups and other vital ministries. We were among those who transitioned into other congregations.  Our family eventually settled in a small Presbyterian (PCA) church where the pastors and elders are more accountable to the congregation. Please know that I do not bear any animosity toward the pastors or the people in our former local church.  The pastors have always been very kind to me personally, and I wrote a blog post nearly two years ago sharing what I appreciated about each of them.  You can find it here: Appreciating the Pastors at Metro Life Church. And on July 22, I wrote Ten Things I Appreciate About Metro Life Church.  My primary protest is against the SGM leadership, polity, and overbearing emphasis on pastoral authority and the sin nature that is propagated from the top of the organization to the bottom.  I think it is unfortunate that local pastors have gotten stuck in that mess.  I hope that is clear from what I write.

And somehow that brings us to the July 6 announcement from Mr. Mahaney.  Many people have started congratulating him for being so very humble and honorable to come forward. I seriously don’t believe that such praise is warranted in this sobering time. Unfortunately, I think his announcement is too little, too late. He speaks as if he intends to take a short sabbatical season away from his duties so that his offenses against a group of select disaffected former pastors can be evaluated and corrected by a team of men. Then he intends to return and lead SGM into a future of fruitful ministry.  Hello?!?

In addition to the aforementioned protest blogs, hundreds of pages of careful documentation by former SGM Brent Detwiler were anonymously uploaded to the web.  I have only read excerpts and summaries, but from what I understand, the evidence is quite incriminating about severe dysfunction within the organization. Coupled with the decades of serious stories about spiritual abuse and grossly mismanaged family crises that have already been reported by ordinary former members from every single SGM congregation, we’re taking deep trouble throughout the entire organization. This is a top down systemic infection, not an isolated bump here and there. If even a fraction of what has been reported is true, I personally think Mr. Mahaney’s poor job performance has disqualified him from ever returning to a prominent position in ministry. I don’t think that his peers on the SGM board of directors are qualified to restore him to it, since by many accounts they too have been complicit in this sorry situation for a long time. 

The odd thing is, that just a week after announcing that he would step down for a season until his sins could be evaluated by an independent third party, the SGM board has now decided that he is fit for ministry and leadership. They are still going through with the outside evaluation, so this latest announcement seems to be quite a bit premature and presumptive. Ostensibly they are basing this on the grounds that Mr. Detwiler failed to follow their prescribed means of redress to their satisfaction, and therefore they are discounting the validity all of the charges presented in his exhaustive documents.  I think these are two separate issues. As a mother, I do not say that one of my children is innocent of all manner of household transgressions just because his or her sibling has tattled with an obnoxious attitude. The legitimacy of the grievances must be dealt with separately from the legitimacy of the means by which they are brought. 

I know it seems harsh for me to say all of this about disqualifying CJ Mahaney and the board of directors. This is obviously my own fallible opinion from the peanut gallery. I don’t personally know Mr. Mahaney, though I have heard him preach on numerous occasions. Nor do I have an accurate window into his heart in the past, present or future. But here is my reasoning: to extend grace and forgiveness is one thing, but restoring real trust is quite another.  The recent admission of problems by Mr. Mahaney and the SGM board of directors is also seen by many as preemptive posturing of humility in the face of increasing public exposure and impending humiliation, rather than as evidence of genuine repentance and responsibility. I think SGM’s credibility has pretty well been shot.  And I am not ready to glibly forgive-and-forget-and-restore-the-man-to-power when there are so many wounded by SGM who have been almost completely ignored in the past few decades.  I am astounded that public figures like Southern Baptist Theological Seminary president Al Mohler are so quick to endorse Mr. Mahaney’s character and move on. Maybe this is sincere loyalty and admiration from Mr. Mohler, but detractors have been quick to point out that donations (in excess of $100,000?) to the seminary by Mahaney and SGM had something to do with that.  Oh my.  


All that aside, though, think about the logistics of the corporate world for a moment. If you had a man or woman applying to be the CEO in your business or non-profit, and candidate’s previous personnel file revealed the kind of mismanagement that Mr. Mahaney has been charged with, would you hire or promote this person?  Not likely! And if they were already “on board” you would probably fire them very quickly and very permanently.  But, you might object, Mr. Mahaney founded this organization!  It’s his ministry!  Oh no, it’s not!  The church belongs to our Sovereign God.  Leaders must be accountable, first to the Lord and then to the people. The church is the whole body of Christ: the people, not just the pastors.  If a pastor is not serving his people with integrity and skill, and is instead causing grave harm, he does not belong on the job no matter how penitent he is. That is especially true of the man at the top, who sets the pace and the protocol for everyone else. If Mr. Mahaney was the president of another church denomination such as the Baptists or Presbyterians, where leaders are accountable to and elected by members, would he be reelected with his reputation?  I don’t think so. How does the concept of grace and forgiveness automatically equate with his qualification to lead in the future?  It’s not about him. It’s about the effectiveness and health of the church.  Even if he totally changed his ways, there would be that element of distrust and disrepute hanging on to him – and to the church he continued as its top leader.

People need to hear the truth in plain words, even if it is excruciatingly painful. Do over 50,000 hits in less than 12 hours on July 9 at the www.sgmsurvivors.com web site mean anything?  Charges of “gossip and slander” against those who speak out aren’t going to cut it anymore. See here for a very insightful article by Bob Bixby called What Bitterness REALLY Is. Let’s not play the “bitterness trump card” and blame the victims, like Mahaney’s T4G conference colleague Ligon Duncan does when he calls on his ministry constituents to “ignore the assaults of wounded people on attack websites and blogs, and that you discount the opinings of those who have no real knowledge of these matters or relation to SGM or authority to comment upon them…” Yes, sir, that’s quite the way to dismiss the legitimate concerns those who have been hurt by their very real firsthand knowledge of life within SGM!  NOT!  The anguished appeals for reform have already been exhausted over and over again for decades.  The leaders of SGM – not just CJ Mahaney – have chosen to be above any real accountability for too long.  Now they have to pay the piper and face the music. 

Do I want to bring others down?  No, I want to lift others up, to see the downtrodden restored to their dignity.  Will CJ Mahaney "go down" in the process?  I don't know.  I do hope that the man who wrote the book Humility: True Greatness will, through true humility, find that true greatness.  That is the greatness of really serving (in deeds, not just platitudes) and restoring the thousands of "the least of these" who have been so devastated as a result of his actions over recent decades.  I do think Jesus would be most honored and glorified if he did that.  Then "the gospel" that SGM has proclaimed truly would be the Good News of Jesus that it was intended to be. So whatever their initial motives were, I hope and pray that Mr. Mahaney and his colleagues will indeed use this opportunity for true repentance, evidenced by actual restitution and reconciliation with members and ex-members at all levels, not just pastors.  He has often preached about the local church being “the happiest place on earth” – but many who came will never darken the door of a church again because SGM broke their sacred trust. Others have fortunately found refuge in grace-filled churches that respect individual people in the pews, not just the leaders. 

What is going on with Josh Harris, senior pastor of SGM’s 3000 member flagship congregation, Covenant Life Church?  My first thought about Mr. Harris was amazement that he allowed dissenting comments on his blog announcement of Mr. Mahaney’s temporary resignation. I totally respect that! Mr. Harris is garnering the appreciation of many observers by his forthright admissions about the severity of the problems, his acknowledgement of the truths contained in the blogs and the uploaded documents, and his stated determination to see this situation through to resolution. This includes, I am told, a new CLC church constitution approved by the members of the congregation.  You can listen to his Sunday morning sermon addressing the situation at CLC here: The Father’s Discipline.   However, Mr. Harris’s approach is not necessarily shared by the SGM board members. Due to disagreements with how to proceed through this time of correction Josh Harris has resigned from the SGM board of directors, though he will continue to attend the meetings. The board issued a statement of Where We Differ and Where We Agree. This young man is certainly in my prayers!  He has made a good start, and I hope he works to keep this process moving in the direction of integrity and responsibility. 

I also need to humble myself and share the SGM blame in my own small ways.  For years I quieted my own conscience, my own God-given sense of right and wrong.  For years I was so proud (let’s make that arrogant!) that I belonged to THE church that featured what I thought were right doctrine and right living. (Ginny Jacobson, who attends our former church, addresses this tendency in her insightful blog post here: A Fallen Idol - One Man's Sin Exposed My Own.) Where else could I find that unique blend of Reformed / Baptist / Charismatic teaching, amazing worship music, and devout fellow members who took their lifestyle choices like home schooling and courtship seriously?  I advertised SGM conferences, books, and CD’s in my e-magazine and on my blogs.  I always alerted my friends whenever CJ Mahaney would be in town, so they could come hear him preach.  For years, I told friends what a wonderful place our church was to raise children, not fully aware of how many of the young people were struggling and straying because of their experiences there.  Beyond our tithe to the local church, we gave extra offerings to SGM until the last year, when I couldn’t do that in good conscience any more. We were deeply involved in all sorts of activities and ministries at church. (I do not regret this, because we have wonderful memories and dear friends from these times.) But it seemed like we were always there, taking somebody to something at the church building almost every day of the week. I was so committed that I thought I would be a member of that church until I died. Lo and behold, I did start dying, inside, little by little. And I let it happen with only a squeak or two here and there, until God mercifully poked me hard and woke me up.  

I have a few seemingly random mental images to share before I close this note.  There are others in my mind, but these should suffice.

The Berlin Wall: Ronald Reagan calling on Gorbachev to tear it down and the freedom-loving people of Germany dismantling it chunk by chunk. It’s time, folks. Call for truth and freedom. Don’t settle for anything less. Pull down the barriers until the truth is known and the arrogance, fear, and control come tumbling down.

The tale of “The Emperor Who Wore No Clothes”:  His royal tailors assured him that his finery was crafted from such a special fabric that only the wise could see it. And all the people, including the emperor himself, “saw” his beautiful clothes because they wanted to be thought wise.  Then a truly wise little boy cried out, “But he doesn’t have anything on at all!” And they all realized what fools they had been. Some of you have suspected something amiss for quite some time, but feared being labeled as foolish or non-compliant if you dared to speak up. Call it like it is, dear little flock. Be bold. Speak truth to power. You don’t need to feel naked or vulnerable yourself, because Christ himself clothes you in his very own righteousness, the garments of joy and praise instead of the spirit of heaviness. 

“With liberty and justice for all”: the last phrase of the Pledge of Allegiance.  Sweet Jesus, under your victory banner, bring that liberty and justice to the least of these my brethren.  Bring your healing and grace. Help us to cling to our precious identity in Christ, and never let anyone snatch it from us. Help us to reclaim the transforming dignity that as believers we are (as 1 Peter 2:9 so gloriously declares) “a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” Help us to focus on you, the perfect life you lived, the victory you won over death through your resurrection, how you promised the Holy Spirit would indwell us so that we could be more than conquerors “through him who loved us”!

One final word to my friends who are members of Sovereign Grace Ministries, including my own former pastors. Even if you are upset at what I have said, I hope you can respect that I am trying to be true to what I believe. I love you dearly, and I miss you. I know many of you may be shocked and even offended by my words, but I write from my heart because of my concern for you. Please consider my words and pray about how this affects you. My brothers and sisters, cry out to Jesus, the Good Shepherd, who truly gave his own life for you, who bids the weary to come and find rest in his gentle yoke, who leads us on the true path. Writing this reminded me of a short story that I wrote for my Mormon friend. You might enjoy it as well.  You can find it here: Parable of Grace.

As a followup to this post, I wrote My Recommendations for CJ Mahaney and Sovereign Grace Ministries. The new post also includes my responses to concerns brought up by readers of this original post. I also ask you to read Ten Things I Appreciate About Metro Life Church and add your own list in the comments.


Update on October 17, 2012: Three more recent developments:

1. Sovereign Grace has moved its headquarters to Louisville, Kentucky, where they have also started a new church plant. Sovereign Grace Church brings history, controversy to new Louisville launch
2. SGM is also being sued by three women. "The plaintiffs allege a conspiracy spanning more than two decades to conceal sexual abuse committed by church members. The alleged abuse happened in Maryland and northern Virginia in the 1980s and 1990s. The lawsuit accuses church representatives of permitting suspected pedophiles to interact with children, supplying them with free legal advice to avoid prosecution and forcing victims to meet with and “forgive” the person that had molested them." Lawsuit claims evangelical church group concealed sex abuse allegations in Md., Va
3. Local churches are starting to dis-affiliate from SGM. I believe that I have heard of four so far, three of them in Florida. Here is one link: Sovereign Grace Church of Daytona Beach Leaves Sovereign Grace Ministries

Update on December 3, 2011: After nearly five months, there does not appear to be any substantive progress at the national level.  Here are the top ten  developments, with links to articles and blog posts from various sources, including www.sovereigngraceministries.org, www.sgmrefuge.com, www.sgmsurvivors.com, and www.larrytomczak.com. 

1. The pastors of Covenant Life Church (led by Josh Harris) are seriously considering withdrawing from the SGM organization, which has been headquartered in the church building.  (See the "Family Update" letter to CLC members.)  
2. Mr. Mahaney and much of his extended family (which includes other pastors) left Covenant Life Church and attended a non-SGM church (Capitol Hill Baptist) for a while before moving on to Solid Rock, a more sympathetic SGM congregation in Maryland.  
3. Mr. Mahaney has retracted his confession (see transcript from November pastors' conference, with added commentary by Kris of SGMSurvivors) and continues to speak publicly in various venues, including a message at the conference.  
4. Also at this pastors' conference, attendees were instructed to go back to their congregations and root out “divisive” members.  
5. Brent Detwiler, the insider who released hundreds of pages of incrimination documents, has been publicly shamed and shunned by his former congregation. Members have been told to avoid talking to him, as well as encouraged to defriend him on Facebook. 
6. Jared Mellinger, a pastor in one of the Pennsylvania churches, warned his church that it was more destructive to read anti-SGM blogs than to go to a porn site.  (That’s a real head scratcher!)
7. Larry Tomczak, who co-founded PDI (now SGM) has issued his own statement about his departure from the organization in 1997, acknowledging the blackmail and cover up. 
8. Todd Twining (my friend and former MLC worship pastor) wrote about his own departure from SGM.
9. Ambassadors of Reconciliation has been doing in person and phone interviews with people who have been adversely affected by SGM and will eventually present its conclusions and recommendations.
10. The SGM board is conducting its own review by setting up three panels of current pastors do investigate the issues.

I personally have a hard time believing that the leaders of SGM are planning to change course in any significant redemptive way.  Right now, they seem to me to be in full damage control and spin mode.  I would concur with Mr. Tomczak that they all need to step down.  Their integrity and credibility are in serious question. I am more confident than ever that I made the right choice to leave SGM last year.

February 2015:

I can't even begin to update you on all that has happened within SGM in the last few years since I wrote on this, other than to say that there were even more serious allegations of sexual abuse against children. You can read more here Sovereign Grace and Saving Face and Abuse Thrives in a Culture of Shame and Silence.

The key thing for me is that the local church of which I was a member has since disassociated itself from Sovereign Grace Ministries, as have many other congregations. Though I still attend another church, I am currently active in the homeless outreach ministry at this former SGM church in the Orlando area and maintain many dear friendships there. 

With love,

Virginia Knowles

www.VirginiaKnowles.blogspot.com