Your Kindness Gave Me Courage

“Your Kindness Gave Me Courage”

by Virginia Knowles

Your kindness gave me courage 

A gentle conversation

A thought-filled gaze

A good deed done 

A warm embrace

A place at your table  

A long letter, short note, silent words
A prayer for wisdom and strength

A gift from the heart.

Surely you did not fully know

(How could you?)
What that would do in me.

Could you sense my soul’s burdens:

The dark and doubt and defeat?

Then, just then, your kindness came as

Light: luminous

Love: lifting and leading me with 

Steady steps toward faith, hope, and joy.

Even though you could not fathom
Its deep reach and widening ripples 
I knew then what I know now

And what I live a little more each day.

The very remembrance

Keen and bittersweet

Still fills me with dignity and wonder that

I can see, speak, serve, sing and

Bring light and love to others.

I bless you, my friend, with all my heart.

May the Lord Almighty bless you beyond

Full measure, pouring over the rims, for

Your kindness gives me courage.

~*~*~

I wrote the first draft of this poem on Sunday, my 51st birthday. The opening line has taken root in my heart for many months; now it has bloomed into a poem. I think back on myriad stunning kindnesses showered on me by family, friends and even strangers as I have faced various continuing challenges in life. I have only just begun trying to thank each one personally, and I will continue. 

I had thought, on approaching my 50th last year, that I would compile a book of essays, poems, and photos as a memoir and call it Pilgrimage and Jubilee. I have not yet accomplished that, but I can at least share links to several of my free verse poems that reflect my life journey. Most of them already have photos and essays to go with them, so there's that. Here they are in reverse chronological order.

• Lift Up Your Head and Laugh (2014)
• Pilgrimage and Jubilee (2013)
• Rebound (2012)
• Shimmer and Shadow (2012)
• In the Poet's Realm (2011)
• Between the Seed and the Tree (2010)
• It Became to Me a Dark Thing (2010)
• This Is My Song and I Sing (2009)
• A Mother's Seeds (2008)
• Do Cry (2008)
• Over Utah in January (2008)

A dragonfly
on my birthday -
quick snap!

More posts about kindness:

• The Simple Yet Mighty Gifts of Acceptance & Affirmation
• Thankfulness: Observe, Appreciate, Express, Imitate
• 13 Ways to Help People Who Are Homeless, Especially in Wintertime
• The Kindness of Neighbors
• Nurturing Naomi: How to Help Yourself or Someone Else Overcome Discouragement
• For the Beauty of the Earth (Strength in Hymn)

And lastly, a few quotes:

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.  ~~ Albert Schweitzer

The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing... that is a friend who cares.  ~~ Henri Nouwen

A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love. ~~ Saint Basil 

Titus 2 Mentoring Podcast and Links

Dear friends,

Karen Campbell interviewed me a couple of weeks ago about Titus 2 mentoring, and the three podcast segment are on her web site, (http://www.thatmom.com/).  Besides the links for those, I wanted to provide some other links related to mentoring to go along with this!

The podcast part 1  (hint: turn off the music in her sidebar when you get there!) 
The podcast part 2  
The podcast part 3 

This next link is for the audio I did last week in Gainesville, Florida.
"Amazing Grace for Home School Moms" audio on Joyful Liberty, Tender Compassion and Wise Guidance.  It is in four parts, with a total listening time of 1 hour and 7 minutes.


My other links related to mentoring and mothering: 

Calling All Mentors
The Joys of Mentoring
Do It Well, But Keep It Humble 
Child Discipline or Child Abuse? 
A Mother's Seeds poem
The Real Life Home School Mom PDF
Pure Pleasure: Why Do Christians Feel So Bad About Feeling Good?
Cherishing Your Marriage chapter from The Real Life Home School Mom
Read, Reflect & Respond audio
Mardy Freeman web site (I mentioned Mardy in the podcasts)
Cheryl Bastian web site (I mentioned Cheryl in the podcasts)

My other blogs:

www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com for encouragement in motherhood
www.StartWellHomeSchool.blogspot.com for preschool & elementary
www.ContinueWellHomeSchool.blogspot.com for middle school
www.FinishWellHomeSchool.blogspot.com for high school

I'd love to hear your comments about this podcast and the links, so hit the comment button!

Blessings,
Virginia

A Podcast, a Party, and a Prayer

Dear friends,

Yesterday was a full day.  Besides the regular housework and checking some of the week's schoolwork, I had two special things going on.

First, in the afternoon, Karen Campbell of www.ThatMom.com interviewed me via the phone for a podcast on the topic of mentoring Christian women in the Titus 2 approach.  We mainly focused on marriage, motherhood, and home schooling.  In the end, we covered so much material that she is going to split it into two segments of 20 minutes each.  Her husband Clay, who was managing the sound equipment for us during the recording, is going to edit the audio.  The first segment will be available on her web site next weekend, and the second segment the following week.  I knew about the interview a few weeks ahead of time, and Karen sent me most of the questions so I could be prepared with answers.  But she did throw in a few extra ones that caught me off guard, so there are a bunch of times I tripped over my words and had to say,  "TAKE 2!"   I also wanted to make sure my kids wouldn't make background noise or interrupt me during the recording, so I drove to a quiet street in our neighborhood and sat there in the back seat of the van with my notes on my lap.  It was a bit chilly out, so I hope no one can hear my teeth chattering on the podcast!  I can't wait to hear how everything came out!  It was fun for me to look back on my life and the women who have mentored me throughoug the years, as well as casting a vision for how I see my own ministry of mentoring others.

After we finished the interview, I went home and made a big pot of chili for the kids' dinner. 

Then Thad and I drove about 40 minutes away to a party for our friends Lee and Jeannette Walti.  They have been in Udine, Italy since September 2008 as missionaries with S.E.E.  Now they are attempting to switch over to work with Pioneers in the Tuscany region, so they are in Orlando interviewing at headquarters today and hopefully starting a week of training tomorrow.  I think that Pioneers' innovative approaches to global outreach will be a great fit for our visionary Waltis. I'm so glad that they are "home" in Orlando at least for a week, even though they are going to be so busy that I won't see them much myself!  

Near the end of the evening, everyone gathered around Lee and Jeannette to pray for their ministry, their health (specifically Lee's asthma) and their family.  If you would like to see more pictures, I have posted them here.

And my prayer?  That whatever we do -- at home or abroad, whether through the Internet or through personal face-to-face friendships -- will be an inspiration to others to look to Jesus as the ultimate source of love, joy, peace, and grace.  How about you?

Blessings,
Virginia Knowles
 

What is Worth While?

What is Worth While?

by Anna Robertson Brown, 1893

The question of life is not, How much time have we?
-- for in each day each of us has exactly the same amount:

we have "all there is."

The question is, What shall we do with it?

Shall we let this priceless gift

slip away from us in haphazard deeds,

or shall we adopt some plan of saving

and of systematic doing in our lives?

What shall this plan be?

How shall we determine what things

are worth giving time to?

Let us think about this question.

In our thoughts, let us not forget one point,

-- time spent in being interrupted is not time lost.

A strong thinker once said,

"No one knocks at my door who is not sent by God."

We are spending time well when we are paying it out to God,

to buy the things he means our lives to own,

whether he is putting before us a duty to be done,

a friend to be won, a small service to be rendered,

a child to be consoled, or a house to be set in order.

There is time enough given us to do

all that God means us to do each day and to do it gloriously!

How do we know but that the interruption we snarl at

is the most blessed thing that has come to us in long days?

But in all our lives, though time is given us

to eat, drink, sleep, work and play,

there is no moment given us to throw away.

~*~*~

Let us not try to escape our work, nor to shirk it.

Above all, let us not fail to see it.

As long as we live we have a work to do.

We shall never be too old for it, nor too feeble.

Illness, weakness, fatigue, sorrow,

-- none of these things can excuse us from this work of ours.

That we are alive to-day is proof positive

that God has something for us to do to-day.

Let us ask ourselves as we arise each morning,

What is my work today?

We do not know where the influence of to-day will end.

Our lives may outgrow all our present thoughts,

and outdazzle all our dreams.

Every day is a test-day; every hour is an examination-hour.

God puts each fresh morning, each new chance of life,

into our hands as a gift, to see what we will do with it.

These are just a few excerpts from one of my favorite vintage books, What is Worth While?  by Anna Robertson Brown, PhD.  (You can click on that title to read the whole book online.  There is so much more in it than these excerpts even begin to touch.) This small jewel started as a speech for college alumni in 1893; reprinted dozens of times over several decades, it spread far and wide the message of making your life count for eternity. My grandmother Dorothy Ransom Hess, who turns 95 today, received it as a gift from her mother-in-law, Mary Graves Hess (pictured right), for whom my mother and my oldest daughter are both named. I love the fact that this has been passed down from generations of mothers!   I am printing out these quotes to put on my wall as a reminder to use my time well.  I have much to learn in this area!

Henry and Dorothy Hess in the 1940's with their five children:

Dick, Henry, Mary (my mother), Nancy, and Barbara 

Do It Well, But Keep It Humble

"Homier than thou!" A bunch of years ago, Mike Farris of HSLDA wrote an article about being “homier than thou” (a pun on the old phrase "holier than thou") in which he cautioned home educating parents against arrogance and self-righteousness, especially when relating to other people who have chosen (or have no choice) to do things differently. I can’t remember all that he said, but the phrase stuck with me. Unfortunately, I find that it still applies. I read several blogs about Biblical womanhood, family life, and home schooling. I truly appreciate each one of them, but occasionally I stumble on a post or subsequent reader comments that make me cringe. Usually, the writer is trying to make a case for home schooling, or having a large "full quiver" family, or respecting your husband's leadership, or following the courtship model, or training daughters to be "keepers at home" or whatever the worthy issue is. That’s good, up to a point. The problem is when this turns into a diatribe and ridicule against those who either may disagree with them or who are simply asking sincere but pointed questions because they really want to understand what all the fuss is about. This grieves me. This is not Christian grace or humility. It is not "speaking the truth in love." I see it as a huge turn-off to those whom we really do want to win. As the old adage goes, "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." I’ve always treasured the home schooling lifestyle for the positive benefits that it can bring, rather than as a negative reaction against public schooling. Sure, I think home schooling is better! That’s why I’m doing it, despite all of the challenges! That's why I spend so much time writing and speaking to encourage and equip other moms in this Grand Adventure. But that doesn’t mean that someone is “bad” or “brainwashed” if they don’t (or can't) home school. (Yes, I have seen those exact words used…)

Coincidentally, my friend Stephanie sent me a note the other day which confirmed my thoughts: "I cannot thank you enough for your example of not only homeschooling, but of godliness and love. You never PUSHED homeschool on me or told me how awful it is to send your kid to public school or anything like that. Your children have flourished in both the collegiate and business worlds as well as in their social endeavours. You did what you believed God would have you do and did not push those beliefs onto others. I thank you for that. My children and I have been blessed by the years I was able to teach them and have them home 100% of the time. Starting my final year of homeschooling , that is why I wanted to say thank you to you for helping me travel down this glorious road." Then my friend Michelle wrote just this morning, "You have been a wonderful inspiration, not because you are perfect , but because you are not, and you help me believe maybe I am really doing a good job."

You see, we really don't have to be obnoxious or strident to get our point across. When my younger kids bicker (as they often do) I remind them that the only thing you prove by calling someone an "IDIOT!!!!" is that you yourself are one. Of course I am preaching to myself as well! We simply cannot build ourselves up by tearing others down. We will only prove how immature we are! Maybe this little article itself will seem like a diatribe. It’s not meant to be. My aim is to bring a little necessary correction in an area where I too have been guilty. We home school moms can take a certain amount of satisfaction in how our children are turning out. I’m certainly proud of my ten terrific kids, even though I see their weaknesses and they definitely see mine! Where this parental contentment takes a turn for the worse is if we smugly give the impression that the reason why we are having so much outward success is because we are so good at what we do! Bosh! Whatever we do is sheerly by the grace of God. It is this grace that will also pick us up again after our pride leads to the inevitable downfall. If you ever get to the point where you recognize things in your own heart or your children’s lives that make you gasp in shock, then thank the Lord for his enlightening mercies! This is the opportunity to embrace the gracious gift of humility and to plead for his help. We need to be keenly aware of our continual dependence on God. Sometimes he allows these bumps -- big and little --to shake us out of deathly complacency. Brokenness brings so many blessings, not the least of which is a new and deeper compassion for hurting people. You see, no matter how good things look on the outside, folks are struggling. We may hide it well, but we all have fissures beneath the surface. Some of us have even experienced internal earthquakes. I am full of gratitude for the very painful, eye-opening seasons of my life, even the ones that continue to make me gasp. They were (and are) the mercy of God to wake me up, to spur me to pursue change, to help me to bring compassionate grace and healing to others, to make me see how his power is perfected in my weakness. In our home school, it is Mom who is really being educated!

So, dear friends, whatever you do, "Do it well, but keep it humble!"

P.S. If the topic of humility and motherhood hits a tender spot, please read my article "Be It Ever So Humbling, There's No Place Like Home". Another short article related to legalism, "Your Unique Home School Family", accompanies my poem "This is My Song and I Sing."

A Trio of New Home School Blogs for All Grade Levels

Dear friends,

A few weeks ago I set up www.FinishWellHomeSchool.blogspot.com in preparation for the Finish Well conference that my friends Meredith Curtis, Cheryl Bastian, and I were doing. After the workshops, we all posted lots of goodies on this blog for families who are home schooling through the high school years.

This morning I woke up in the wee hours of the morning with a brainstorm of two companion sites! After all, before you FINISH well, you first need to START and CONTINUE!

www.StartWellHomeSchool.blogspot.com will encourage and equip moms for teaching and training their own children at home during the preschool and elementary years. Many of the posts are gleaned from my book Common Sense Excellence: Faith-Filled Home Education for Preschool to 5th Grade.

www.ContinueWellHomeSchool.blogspot.com picks up in the challenging middle school years. I seriously LOVE teaching this age range! Current posts include Learn to Discern, study guides for the novels The Witch of Blackbird Pond and Johnny Tremaine, and Justice & Mercy.

I have already posted several articles from my archives, and I'm recruiting other seasoned home schooling moms to contribute their wisdom as well. Cheryl has already taken me up on this and posted, and we've got others who are working on their stuff, too!

Take a peek and pass the word!

Calling All Mentors (Yes, That Means You Too!)

Dear friends,

In my post about "The Joys of Mentoring" this past Sunday, I promised to put up an article I wrote several years ago for Nancy Campbell's Above Rubies magazine.

Calling All Mentors (Yes, That Means You Too!)

by Virginia Knowles in 2001

When many women hear about “Titus 2” style ministry, with the older women training the younger women “to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God,” they often envision the older woman as a sweet gray haired grandma setting an extra place for tea in her cozy cottage. And that’s wonderful! I’m so thankful for the foundational principles I’ve learned from older authors and speakers like Nancy Campbell, Elisabeth Elliot, and Edith Schaeffer. But I also need to see these things lived out, so I am grateful for friends, usually only several years older than me, whose personal examples I can watch and follow in the areas of raising young children, home schooling, and handling the cultural challenges that teenagers face. I think that when the Lord is talking about older women, he is also looking for any serious Christian woman who is further down the road in life, anyone with valuable experience to share with someone coming along behind. We all need to aspire to this ministry, and we all need to start the process now. Don’t waste these years while waiting to attain senior saint status! Get all the help you can from mentors in your own life, and then turn around and help someone else.

Years ago, I felt the call to start ministering to other moms. Knowing how absolutely imperfect I am, I felt extremely inadequate. However, I knew I had a message to share, through one-on-one conversations, public presentations, and most of all, writing. I started small but the opportunities have grown tremendously. God’s strength is made perfect in weakness. During the years of trying to share with other women what is on my heart about family life and home education, I’ve seen four keys to mentoring.

Truth: This is our solid and enduring message. We can’t just blurt out our personal opinions. Our curriculum is God’s Word, his standards, his desires for our lives and families. We must be Bible students, we must be women of prayer, we must surround ourselves with godly teaching and encouragement from other believers, and we must be serious about living reverently! And, yes, we must be brave enough to apply that truth to personal situations, even if it means confronting someone (gently) with an area which is making them stumble. We can also fortify one another for the realities of life.

Transparency: Along with truth about God’s word, we must be truthful about ourselves. We’re not even close to perfect. If you exude a Super Mom image, that will be very discouraging to a younger woman who feels she could never measure up, and it can be so disillusioning when they finally see you mess up. Boom! You fall off the pedestal! No, we must always be humble and confess how much we need God’s grace to cover our sin and shortcoming. That’s the gospel. We haven’t fully attained, but we are pressing on anyway. If a mom has an idealized notion of motherhood and is disheartened by her own failure, it’s a relief for her to hear that others struggle with the same things. From our own hard knocks experiences, we can challenge her to engage in spiritual warfare on behalf of her children, rather than expecting a rose garden without weeds and thorns. (I need to be reminded of this all the time!) On the other hand, we must also be discrete and not just dump our past and present problems in full view. This destroys our family’s privacy and makes the other person extremely uncomfortable. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide your lips. There is a time to share your struggles with someone, and a time to refrain, which brings us to the next key.

Trust: In any mentoring relationship, there must be mutual trust. We need to know that the other person will not gossip or turn against us. We need to know that the person will be honest with us. When advising someone, we need to trust that person to do what is best in her own situation. She may not be at a place in life where she can receive what we say right now. Or she may agree, but isn’t in a position to implement it because of other family members, health or finances. Or maybe it just wasn’t what God would want to say through us in the first place! We must always trust God that he will work these things out in his own good time. We plant the seeds, and he can make them grow.

Training: Finally, in all of our emphasis on spiritual issues, we must not neglect the practical every day “keepers at home” stuff, like how to organize a house, feed the family, serve the husband, and teach the children. I think of the “wives meetings” that our church had when I was a newlywed career lady, and how I was encouraged to trust God for starting our family. Two of these friends also showed me how to make log cabin quilt blocks. I remember my excitement about going to a home decorating class at a local church -- what an outreach opportunity! When I first started home schooling, several moms showed me their books, shared their catalogs, and gave me helpful hints. I’ve been a mom for fourteen years now [in 2009, let's update that to 22 years!], but I still love to learn about all of this stuff! I need it! What an area for Titus 2 training!

Whatever your age, ask God to show you what you can do to encourage other women to follow his ways!

~*~*~

If there has been a special mentor in your life, could you please hit the comment button below and tell us a little about her? What did she do or say that was particularly helpful to you?

The Joys of Mentoring

Dear friends,

Yesterday, I had the immense privilege of taking part in two very special events -- one about giving mentoring, and the other a sweet reminiscence of receiving it many years ago.

From 9 AM to 2 PM, my friends Meredith Curtis, Cheryl Bastian and I presented the Finish Well workshops about high school home education. We didn't know how many people would show up, so we were so blessed when about 40 ladies arrived. We all had a lovely day learning together. I wish I could have heard Meredith's and Cheryl's workshop! Each of us treasures the opporunity to mentor other mothers. Soon, we will try to post our workshop notes, PowerPoints, and/or videos, as well other helpful web links, so check www.finishwellhomeschool.blogspot.com/ when you get a chance.




In the evening came another absolute delight for me! Our dear friends Roger and Mel Franks were in town, and about 50 of us got together for a reunion. (You can see pictures here.) I suppose I need to back up and explain here. In 1984, I started attending Northland, which at that time was a small community church meeting in the English Estates Elementary School cafeteria. Roger was one of our pastors there. I had started visiting Northland because I had heard him teach on John 1 at our InterVarsity Christian Fellowship meeting at UCF.


I met my husband Thad there a few weeks later. We used to go to a Bible study at Roger and Mel's house during our courtship and engagement, and I grew to love and respect them for their wisdom and gentleness. They loved pouring their lives into others, which is the heart of mentoring. A year later, Roger left the pastorate and moved his family of five to Maryland to join up with the Great Commission Church there. Another year later, after Thad and I were married, we followed them up there. It was such a blessing to soak up their mentoring for the next seven years of early marriage, motherhood, and home schooling before we moved back to Florida. During those years, Mel gave birth to her final four babies (some of them premature, which required extended bed rest) and we had our first four. I vividly remember several instances where Mel spoke such words of grace and clarity to me when I was discouraged or confused. She is the one who taught me the concept of the "happy mess" -- how we should not to get upset if we see the remnants of our children's creative fun, though we should remind them to clean it up when they're done.


Mel mentioned last night at our gathering that a dear lady named Marge Nelson (pictured left) had mentored her during early motherhood. I turned to thank Marge, because mentoring is really a chain of love from older to younger, and on down the line as the younger becomes older, and then more younger women come along. So if I have mentored any of you in any way, you can thank Mel and Marge. And you can pass it along!



I think it is a tribute to Roger and Mel, and to the joys of mentoring, that so many folks would come to see them 25 years after they moved away. But you know, as precious as they are, they have been just one link in our chain. So many of you have shared your lives with us as well, and we are so very grateful to God for you!

Go explore the joys of mentoring!

Blessings,

Virginia